DEAL WITH CONFLICT: DO NOT BECOME A VICTIM OF BITTERNESS

“So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses. ”—Matthew 18:35

 

Conflict is a part of life. It may originate from misunderstandings, a difference of opinion, or deep convictions. But discord often stems from envy, pride, or hunger for power.

 

Scripture records an account of a man, Jonah, who was in conflict with himself, God, and the people that God wanted to save.  God spoke to Jonah to go to the city of Nineveh and warn the people of their wickedness because He was seeking to turn them from destruction; however, Jonah did not want to go because he knew that His God was merciful, and he did not want God to show mercy upon the enemies of his people.  Jonah wanted them destroyed; but it would be unlike God to fail or refuse to warn mankind of coming destruction and give them an opportunity to avoid it.  So, he fled from the presence of God and the place where He had told him to go, thinking no doubt, that if he did not warn Nineveh, God would destroy the inhabitants.  Jonah’s disobedience caused the lives of a ship full of people to be put into jeopardy; he spent three days and nights in the belly of a big fish before he called out for relief from God.  God responded to his cries, delivered him from the fish and for a second time, instructed him to go to Nineveh.  Jonah went and delivered God’s message to the people; however, he remained a victim of bitterness and anger because God chose to have mercy upon his enemies (Jonah).   

We can learn some lessons from Jonah and his experience with conflict.  First, never run away from conflict—even if you do not think that God sees what is going on He is always present. Sadly, many people have an unhealthy reaction to disagreement.  Some repress difficulty, ignoring the issue or pretending it does not exist. Others place blame while defending themselves.  Second, recognize that you are not able to control the other person’s response to conflict; you are accountable only for how you handle it. 

Negative responses to conflict often indicate one of three underlying scenarios. First, past hurt can leave a person emotionally insecure and unable to handle criticism.  Second, a perfectionist sets such high benchmarks that she or he can never live up to her or his own standards—then it is hard to acknowledge mistakes.  Finally, pride makes it hard for some people to admit when they are wrong or to ask forgiveness. 

 

In the parable of the Unmerciful Servant, we see what can happen to someone who does not give forgiveness.

"Then Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’  Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’  Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents [several millions of U.S. dollars].  But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.  The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’  Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii [about seventeen U.S. dollars]; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying ‘Pay me what you owe!’  So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.  So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.  Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.  Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’  And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. ‘So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses’” (Matthew 18:21 -35).

Unless we respond correctly to conflict, we limit our potential to grow, because we are not learning what the Lord is teaching.  Also, we develop an unforgiving spirit, which leads to bitterness and resentment.  Eventually, such an attitude can destroy relationships.

By following the example of our Savior, we learn that there is a positive way to handle conflict.   The Scripture reveals how our Savior responded when He was wrongly accused, unfairly judged, and killed for something He did not do.   Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). 

How do you deal with accusations, criticism and conflict?  Forgiveness is the only response that will keep you from becoming a victim of bitterness.

 Prayer—Father I ask You to help me deal positively when I experience conflicts in my life.  I choose to forgive those who are involved in the disagreement and I ask that Your Peace be released into the situation and I release all anger, bitterness and resentment, in Jesus Name. Amen.